Ramtha and the Underground

I went next to the Syrian border yesterday, and did not actually try to pass there because if i did i would never be allowed to go there for the rest of my life because of my west bank stamp, but it's not like i would really want to go there anyway.

I hung out with my friend ali zuaiter from uf, and we sat on traditional style arabic couches, which are on the floor. I then went to some of ali's friends house, where i learned some jordanian dances, as well as the underground culture running throughout jordan, especially among the youth. Here, society enforces the rules of the game. Nobody knows all the rules, but you should know if something is by the rules if you see it. For example, if you live in a small village in jordan, then everyone knows you and your parents. Dating and relationships are not allowed in Islam as they practice it here, so if people see you holding hands with someone of the opposite sex, they will tell your parents as if you just had an illegitimate child. Society here is extremely culturally conservative. People that don't like the rules of the society still enforce the rules, almost subconsciously. Some women obviously don't like the dress code of more conservative Islam, as you see women in the streets wearing the hidjab, or headscarf, along with very provocative clothing. These women simply wear it because their parents demand it. My female friends here in Jordan who are studying arabic have it tough because of gender standards here. The students live on campus, but with a big difference in how they are treated. Men have no curfew, while if women stay out past 10pm, they will be locked out of their dorm rooms and will find their reputations damaged.

Some of these rules provide for stable families and everyone knows who their parents are, which is good in some ways. The divorce rate is not nearly as high as the states, where we date people for months or years before marrying. Here, you ask a girl to marry you and there is a process that goes on for a little while until she decides for sure. It is easy to criticize the culture of others, but there are always positives and negatives. In the US now, 40% of all children are born to unwedded mothers. Not to say at all that these women cannot raise children and have their offspring turn out absolutely fine. However, I suspect that few people would challenge the fact that a child is much more likely to have a good life if there are two parents in the home. It seems as if Jordan's culture might be more effective at getting this to happen.

Even so, some of the aspects of the more traditional residents are appalling by western standards. There is a sort of Montague/ Capulet thing goign on here. My friends at Jordan Univ told me there was a shooting on campus just last week where someone died. The argument was over a chair, yes a chair. The situation with some of the old established families here is not that different than the situation in LA between the Bloods and the Crypts. It is probably worse here though.

Another appalling aspect of the culture here is something called honor killings. This is not defended in Islam but is actually a vestige of culture from a long long time ago that still continues among some groups of people with rather traditional views. It basically says that if you do anything to dishonor the family name, especially anything viewed as sexually impure, the other male members of your family have the right to kill you. So women that have not been pure as they say are sometimes killed by their brothers or even their fathers. One recent case was that a woman was suspected of adultery and her brother took her to the Dead Sea and drowned her. It turns out that she was not having an affair after all, but too late for her. Honor killings in Jordan in extreme cases can even be over something as simple as a kiss. Generally what happens is that honor killings get a slap on the wrist and the perpetrators turn themselves in and get maybe a couple of months in jail.

An editorial comment: It is generally arrogant and judgmental for an academic to criticize another part of someone else's culture, but honor killings are an absolutely horrifying crime against women that must stop if jordan is ever to be accepted as a modern country. Civilizations of the world used to sacrifice their first borns and have relations with temple prostitutes, and I think the concept of honor killings ranks close to these first two concepts.

Another interesting issue is the bottled up sexuality of men here in jordan. They are expected as well to remain pure until marriage, but without the ability to even date or kiss someone, they have a reputation among some women here for being especially perverted. Some friends of mine in Aqaba got asked how expensive they were several times by drivers by. Also, men tend to stare creepily at women if they see them in shorts and a tank top for example. Men will also growl, hiss, bark, and ask women to get in their cars. This behavior may seem strange but someone described the situation to me as a pressurized liquid in a bottle. If you undo the cap just a little, it starts to pop.

Men and women seem to be restricted by the rules of the game here. Women have rules that are supposed to keep them pure, and men have rules that seem to drive some of them crazy. I am glad I live in America. At least you have the right to make the choice on how you want to live.

Sorry for seeming like I'm bashing. Jordan is becoming more and more westernized and more relaxed. Maybe in 10 years things will be changed, as they already have. Jordan is not completely western or eastern. It is stuck in between two worlds, and it seems to be having an identity crisis. I like it here nonetheless, people are more honest and helpful than other places, and their hospitality is unmatched. I will continue to describe my situation here. I think I will attempt to go back to the West Bank tomorrow. Hope and pray that my crossing goes well. It took 8 hours and lots of screaming at me last time I crossed the border. We shall see.